One of my friends commented that “in-service” days at school means she is in the service of her children all day! It is true. The careful schedule has been tossed out the window and I am scrambling between doing what I SHOULD be doing and doing what I want to be doing. The hardest part is knowing which are the “shoulds” and which are the “wants.” It can be harder than you think. I should be doing laundry and lunch and a million other things. I also think I should be writing. And I want to write. But writing is hard and laundry is easy. So I want to do that too.
As I wrote in my previous post–I lost three days worth of writing because I copied over my work with labels for the Jarrettown United Methodist Church retreat. I thought that blogging might give me better way to preserve my work. I cannot copy over it–and I’m putting my words out to the Universe. I’m opening myself up to the possibility of whatever. I do not believe that anyone will ever find my words by any means other than the hand of God. But I’m putting it out there and seeing what happens.
So what will this be? I’m going to try to write for 30 minutes every day. It may not be much–nothing more than a laundry list of angst. But thirty minutes none the less. And if I get lucky and write more–all’s the better. Will it be essays? Short stories? Potential chapters from novels? That is not for me to decide. I’m leaving this one up to the Higher Power.
The women in my Mom’s Bible group are awesome. It is amazing to hear God use them and speak to them. I’ve heard the voice of God only a few times in my life–but there isn’t any mistaking it. It was more than just my wishful thinking. It was a push–an almost physical push that told me what I needed to do. Sometimes I’ve listened. Sometimes I haven’t. More than likely, I’ve not listened more often than I’ve listened. Because God lets us ignore him. It doesn’t please Him, but I believe He humors us. Or at least me. “Okay, Rebecca. Go ahead and do it your way. I know that I can do it better and faster, but I can see that you still need your hand in this, stirring the pot. When you’re done, I’ll still be here.”
“Thanks God. I know that You are all things and can accomplish all things, but I think I have this one here taken care of. Just let me do one more thing and I’m sure it will be perfect….”
Yeah, that’s the kind of relationship that we have. God is in control, but he let’s me screw things up just enough to prove that His way is better. It keeps me humble. Writing, I think, is a lot like fishing. One of the captains on “Deadliest Catch” said, ‘They call it ‘fishing’ not ‘catching.'” Darn that punctuation. But writing–
I honestly think my daughter is conspiring against me. She interrupted me with my last thought and as I finally try to go back to this, she’s crying again. Oh well, she’s getting so big, so fast. Before long, I will be fighting with her just like I fight with The Girl. Here’s to 30 minutes tomorrow.