Last night, or early this morning–4 am to be exact–I was surfing various blogs. I have to say, as a writer “putting it out there” it is very intimidating. I found one of my college friend’s blogs–a very good and funny one that she’s been maintaining and actually writing for years. And by writing I mean, on a regular basis–more than once a month or so. I also found her sister’s blog that was equally prolific and interesting (links on the side). So it scared me. Both of them have been doing this so much longer than me. And they are funnier. And more relevant. Who am I to enter into the blogging fray at this age. It’s like suddenly being on Facebook. There should be age limits on some of these activities. Like spandex pants. No one over 14 in age, and 6 in size. Some things just should have rules.
I found many other blogs where the writers weren’t quite so prolific or current. Ones that had only one or two entries–from 5 years ago. I actually have an instructional design blog floating around that I keep wanting to update. So the slacker bloggers were equally intimidating. Who am I to think that I will make it past the two entry mark. Or the two month mark. What I need to do is change my CognitiveHorizons.com web site into a blog and maintain it that way. In my free time. Did I mention I have three kids?
So the prolific writers intimidate me and the slacker writers intimidate me. So do all the writers in between. Not such great esteem for someone who is “putting it out there to the Universe to see what God has planned,” eh?
So who am I? I think of a praise song– “Who am I? That you are mindful of me? Who am I? That you set your love on me? Your my Creator King.” Is it right to worry that someone is better because they’ve written more than me? Aren’t I saying that God has a limit–only so much talent to hand out and I might be getting short changed? I sound like my 9 and 11 year olds, “But God, she got more than me! His piece is bigger!” Am I really going to suggest to God that I don’t like my portion?! Wow–who am I to think that? Our pastor has awesome sermons–and I know they come straight from the Spirit because they always speak to me–either that or he’s wired the church and knows what we are saying. That’s a possibility as well….
Anyway, Pastor Rick said that he thinks that when we get to Heaven we will see all these boxes of blessing piled up with our name on them. We will ask God what they are and he will say they were meant for us, we only had to ask. How often do we not get what we need or want because we fail to ask?
We all have our time and place. The fact that someone else’s time was 4 or 5 years ago doesn’t mean that I’m too late. It wasn’t my time. And it may not be your time. Or maybe I (we) just haven’t asked. Asking is scary. At least I think so. I’m a super mom (aren’t we all). Asking for help implies weakness. Asking forces us to humble ourselves before someone and admit that they have something that we need. Asking opens us up to rejection. What if we are turned away–how can we continue to have a relationship with someone who has said, “no.” to us?
I think that’s one of the reasons that we are so overcommitted. We don’t want to say “no” to someone for fear that someone may say “no” to us. So we put too many things on our plates which leaves us less time to spend with our Father who truly wants to give us everything we need. We say yes to the unimportant–yes to the busy–yes to the stuff. Maybe because we are so afraid of what we might accomplish with God by our side.