I didn’t think it would bother me as much as it does–it started innocently enough–I started not seeing postings from an IRL (in real life) friend of mine. When I searched for her in my friends list, she didn’t show up. When I searched for her globally on Facebook, she didn’t show up. When I looked in the friends list of our mutual friends, she didn’t show up.
Hmm….she had said, several months ago…that some of her relatives’ friends had become her friends and were posting curse words. She said this to me. And I said, “So de-friend the relatives’ friends…especially if they aren’t your friends.” AND I TOLD HER HOW TO DE-FRIEND SOMEONE. This rates right up there with training a new person how to do my job “so she will be well-rounded” and then being replaced by her. I actually, once, after I’d been fired, received a call from my replacement (who I trained) who wanted to ask me a question about how I did something. Yeah, right. I’ll tell you how to do that.
And now it appears I am the de-friendee. At first, I thought maybe she stopped doing FB. She’s wasn’t really into it and I thought she just deleted her profile, so when I saw her one day, I asked. No, she assured me, she was still on, just hadn’t been posting a lot. Nothing more.
Now a normal person would just let this slide. But I think I’ve long since established that I am NOT a normal person. It bothers me. It bothered me when I tried to “friend” someone from college and she turned me down. She didn’t just, not respond to my “friend” request, she sent me an email telling me why she wouldn’t friend me. Ouch. Out of habit, if I found someone that I knew from college, I would typically put out a friend request. Most of the time, I forgot about the invite and the nice thing about Facebook is that it doesn’t tell you who has declined your friends request. But this person had email me and remind me that I’d sent a friend request and that she was turning it down. For the record, we weren’t best friends in college. I didn’t invite her to my wedding or send her birth announcements for my children. I also didn’t do it for anyone else at school either. We did have mutual friends–if I saw her in the cafeteria, we were friendly enough to eat together. I mean, there were only about 800 people at my college, so it’s not as if each of us DIDN’T know the majority of students. But alas, our familiarity wasn’t enough to be rewarded with a friend request.
What bothers me with my current de-friended friend is that I see this person on a regular basis. We chat almost weekly. We are part of several groups together. We’ve attended parties together–heck–we’ve been to each others houses on multiple occasions!
Now you might be saying, “If you are such good friends, just ask her what happened.” And a normal, well-adjusted person would do that. Again–not a normal, well-adjusted person here. I’m a writer. I have NO self-esteem and cannot bare to think what she might say. I mean, if she’d said to me, (when I originally asked if she’d quit FB) “You know, some of the things your friends were writing showed up on my wall and I didn’t like them, so I had to de-friend you so I wouldn’t see them.” And I would have understood. I do have several friends who are even less normal than me. It’s the only way that I can have friends, by selecting friends who are more neurotic and bizarre than I am. But not you….YOU are one of the normal, well-adjusted friends. It’s my OTHER friends who are the bizarre ones. Honest.
Or if she’d said, “It really bothers me when you post all those thoughtful,
creative missives on the Web. I’m really into more banal, less-interesting material, so I had to de-friend you.” Or she could have said she was simply tired of my rantings about my nine-year-old or diaper dilemmas with my one-year-old. Not everyone finds humor in me screaming at my daughter or the contents of my youngest’ diaper. Most do, but hey, not everyone. I would have still been her friend.
So what remains is this question–if I’m not good enough to be her Facebook friend, am I good enough to be her IRL friend?