Can I tell you how much I hate it when God “blesses” me with opportunities to practice my personal commandments? I mean–can’t I just SAY these are my personal commandments without actually practicing them. No, apparently, when I say I want to implement something into my life, God decides to give me the opportunity to actually do it.
So, long story short–
- Last spring, a 12-week freelance job ended after 6-weeks. It was supposed to be the money that enables me to stay home with the kids in the summer. (No biggie)
- Beginning of September, when I normally start freelancing again, my agency calls and says they are closing the Philadelphia office and won’t have any more work for me. (Uhm, little biggie)
- September 15th, Dear Husband gets laid off after 7 years with his company. (Biggie)
Practicing keeping the faith and not worrying–at least externally–and for the most part–internally. God will provide. I’ve been fired/laid off/downsized several times and have always landed on my feet. Dear Husband was getting very frustrated with his job but wasn’t in the position to look for a new one. I’ve really never had a very hard time finding work, so I wasn’t too concerned about looking for something. Plus, if Dear Husband was home, I didn’t need to worry about daycare. Double-plus (for me at least), I had a list. For my husband. And it was long.
So I put our situation out to God to see what would happen. As you may have read, I immediately started getting calls. One agency called and wanted to submit me to a company where I’ve worked in the past. Super, sign me up for that interview. Later that day, another person at the same agency called to see if I wanted to be submitted to a second company (that I’d also worked for in the past–but then, I’ve worked at a lot of places in my lifetime). Super-duper, sign me up.
So I had the interviews and thought that I did good on both of them. Both were very different and interesting in their own way. One was slated to go last a lot longer than the other (but paid less), but I know how things work–often, once you get into a place, they tend to keep you around on additional things that walk in the door. One let me work from home 100%, the other 3 days a week.
Last night, the call came–good news and bad news–one of the places wanted me, the other, “while they enjoyed speaking with you, decided to go with a more qualified candidate.”
Here’s where God is having me express gratitude. I should have been happy. I’d been offered a job. It was a good one. I should be happy. The wolves were once again, pushed away from the door. And I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be grateful. Really, I did. But. But….
Darn it, God, how could another candidate be more qualified? I sparkled. We laughed. He practically offered me the job on the phone right then and there. More qualified?
Trying to be grateful. Trying to recognize that God is in control and that in his infinite wisdom, has something planned that I, in my infinite LACK of wisdom, have NO idea. And to be honest, I STRONGLY suspect, that if I’d been offered the other job, I would have said the exact same thing!!! “What do you mean, someone else is more qualified? Didn’t they even look at my portfolio? How could they turn me down after I’d worked there before?”
Ungrateful. But trying. Grateful. And trying to show it.