The Internet is ablaze with President Obama’s latest gaffe, claiming American’s need to “take off the bandaid and eat peas.”
“Who does he think he is?” Joe Bucket, a fish and tackle shop owner in Karns, TN asked, “He’s trying to ram healthcare down my throat? I thought his wife was telling us how to eat and now he wants me to eat my peas?”
“Seriously, the President is overstepping his authority,” SotH Boehner said at a press conference. “I’ve read the Constitution and NO WHERE does it state that the President is allowed to tell Americans what to eat.”
Eric Cantor (R., Va.) told his constituents that he was calling a special session to look into impeachment proceedings. “If we don’t immediately stop the over reach of government by this administration, we are all going to be scarred vegetarians.”
Cantor expanded, “Bandages protect wounds from infections which is vital to Americans struggling to pay their health insurance. I don’t believe that I should pay for someone else’s medical bills because he gets an infection from an exposed wound.”
Tom Coburn, MD (R. OK) weighed in with, “The last time I looked, the President did not have a medical degree. Suggesting medical procedures without a license is both unethical and illegal.” He went on to point out that the Patients’ Choice Act that he is proposing, “does not require new spending or new taxes.” Furthermore, “My bill could save taxpayers $70 billion and ensure a majority of currently uninsured Americans.” It is believed that Coburn’s plan would allow patients to pick their own brand of bandages.
Jay Carney, the President’s press secretary, today threw up his hands in disgust before leaving his podium after the press descended on him with questions.
“What about carrots? Are we to eat them too?” asked John Ward, of The Daily Caller. That comment garnered a high five from Fox New’s Ed Henry and WorldNetDaily’s Lester Kinsolving.
“So does this mean the President is for holistic healing?” asked Linda Felman, Christian Science Monitor.
Carney responded by explaining the President’s statement was a metaphor “for how the US and its political leaders need to do things that are painful and not always pleasant.” When the media refused to listen to him, he stepped away from the podium where it was rumored he said, “What a clusterfu¢k this job is. No wonder Gibb left.”
The International Pea Council immediately withdrew its support for the President, “While we were pleased with the First Lady’s suggestion that people eat more vegetables, the Presidents statement alluding to the fact that peas are something that isn’t pleasant and must be done under duress puts us in an uncomfortable position.
Johnson & Johnson weighed in, stating it was reviewing possible copyright infringement, “Band-aid® is a registered trademark and to use the term generically dilutes our brand. Is the President actually suggesting that Band-aid® brand bandages hurt more than other brands?”
The White House didn’t answer the Pea Council or Johnson & Johnson directly, stating their lawyers were reviewing how the President’s statements could be taken so out of context.
Not to miss an opportunity to point out the President’s failings, Michele Bachmann addressed a large crowd of supporters, “When our founding fathers, Benjamin Franklin and Uncle Sam landed in America, the first thing they did was bandage their wounded and serve them peas. Mr. President, I’ve read about Uncle Sam and you’re no Uncle Sam.”
The ACLU and NAACP immediately responded to Bachmann’s statement with, “She’s calling the President of the United States an ‘Uncle Sam?”
Sarah Palin countered with, “The liberal media is ruining our fine nation by allowing social programs to offer peas to illegal immigrants. When I’m Dictator for Life President, I will send ALL immigrants back where they belong and only allow “real” Americans who can prove their ancestors came over on the Mayflower to eat anything they want in this fine Nation.”
The President made second attempt to clarify his stance but Politfact had already rated his statement as “mostly true” and he didn’t want it re-rated as “flip flop.”
He was seen later that evening, on the White House lawn, hosting a dinner for some children of parents living in a homeless shelter. The White House chef confirmed that peas were not on the menu, but a nice carrot cake with a cream cheese icing was presented for dessert.
“Obviously, the President doesn’t believe in doing the very thing he’s asking the American people to do.” stated Michele Bachmann, when she saw photos of the evening’s festivities. “I say all Americans should be able to eat cake, but then, I’m sure Mrs. Obama would have something to say about that.”